1Malaysia? Sure or not....

I learned something from my trip to Kuching, Sarawak, yesterday.  I'm not sure whether Sarawak is Malay-sure or not.

I was one of the speakers for Popular Bookstore's new branch opening in Kuching.  The Tun Jugah branch, recently renovated with 12,000 sq ft of shopping space, is the largest bookstore in East Malaysia.

Upon reaching Kuching yesterday I had to queue up at the Imigresen counter, all the time wondering had I left the country.  Which country am I in right now?  They took my I/C, checked and then passed back to me together with an "Immigration slip" stating that I am allowed to stay in Sarawak for only 90 days.

I did my talk show at Popular and was soon on my way back to KL.  Upon reaching the airport, I had to look for the departure hall.  This is what I saw at first.

In case you can't read, the sign says "Pelepasan Domestik (dalam negeri Sarawak).  Now do you think I should go in there?  Obviously not, right?  I would only be travelling to other parts of the big state of Sarawak.

This is what I saw next...

The sign says "Pelepasan Antarabangsa".  Now do you think I should go for this?  I don't think so.  I'm not leaving Malaysia for another country, why should I?

Shit! I'm stranded.  How the f am I supposed to go back to KL when you can't go in by both these doors?  OK, before you start cursing, look a bit further, and you see this...

Wow!  "Pelepasan Domestik (Luar Negeri Sarawak).  Ah!  That sounds more like it.  Phew, safe at last.  Or so I thought.  I went to that door and after looking at my boarding pass the jaga fella pointed me to the Immigration queue at the Pelepasan Antarabangsa counter!  Now why do they have two doors which lead to the same counter?  That is what we call "take off your trousers in order to fart".

At least I made it back to KL, safely in one piece, but not after one last round of scaration.  The officer at the Immigration counter asked me back for my Immigration slip (the one which stated that I'm not supposed to stay more than 90 days).  I had thrown that slip into the waste paper basket at the hotel earlier!  But, it turned out that he only asked for fun.  When I said I didn't have it, he waved me in anyway.  Say so earlier mah, scare until people small heart bob bob jump.  Niamahai!

And some idiots are still trying to sell 1Malaysia... damn cunfusing.

Update on Euro Crisis

What is the latest status of the Europe Crisis?  Is the market going to crash?  These are the questions on a lot of traders and investors' minds.

We have read a lot of stuff on the situation there from a lot of people.  Most people are confused, including Soros, but Soros seems to have written quite a bit on the topic and I'm trying to summarise his thoughts here.

Firstly, the Crisis, as we know, came about because Europe (and of course, US as well) has spent beyond their means, resulting in a lot of debts.  Some countries in the EU are weaker and some are stronger.  Some owe more debt and some less.  Of late, a few of those weaker countries are in for reckoning for the amounts they owed, Greece for example.  The fact that there is the EU means that they sink or swim together, giving rise to the fear that if Greece (or any of the PIIGS countries) go down, they may bring down the rest of the guys.

The Crisis came to a boil as all eyes are on Greece to see what would happen if they really default of their sovereign debts.  Almost everyone came to the conclusion (eventually) that the results would be catastrophic.  The next question is, how do they save Greece?  Soros' solution would be to set up a central credit body to bail out Greece.  This would mean all the EU countries would have to cooperate to set up this body to bail out Greece.  The confusion started when Angela Merkel, the PM of Germany, which everyone would agree is the strongest country in the EU, finally agreeing to the fact that Greece needs to be bailed out.  However, the rich in Germany (as well as many other richer countries) don't like the fact that their money would be used to bail someone out.  They would rather that someone sink for all they care.

If such an event is allowed to happen, Soros said that the result would be disastrous.  Almost everyone agrees with him.  That was why we saw the Dow and the European markets falling quite sharply over the past 3 months on these fears.

However, over the past week or so, the market suddenly became very optimistic as all the European leaders said that they are aware how critical the situation has become and they have vowed to solve the big problem together.

Now, if they can really sit down and work together as Soros mentioned right from the beginning, then the Crisis in Europe may finally be solved, at least for the next couple of years or so.

The next move right now would determine whether EU would be headed in the right direction in solving the problem.  If they are headed in the wrong direction (regardless of the fact that they are all now rowing the boat together), then the boat would still sink, and quite quickly as the default date nears.

Soros is saying that the next correct move would be for European governments to guarantee their banks (I think he's referring to deposits, loans and bonds) so that the banks in all of Europe will not have the possibility of collapsing.  He says that governments have the power to do that because they have the ultimate power to print.  However, Soros is saying that the EU countries right now are on the verge of making the wrong move of recapitalising the banks first.  The process of recapitalising the banks is crucial because the banks are not financially sound due to under-capitalisation.  However, the process of recapitalising banks is not an overnight one.  It takes time, and time is right now not on their side.  Soros says that countries should immediately issue a guarantee first, then recapitalise later.  These two steps will solve the whole EU Crisis, at least temporarily.  So, in the coming days or weeks, we will need to see this step taken to save the EU.

On a personal side, some of us, including myself, have taken short positions on EU and the US, believing that this Crisis and the accumulated debt problems are too big to be solved. If EU survives this round, it would mean serious damage to our trading account.  Having placed the bet (with or without stop loss), we would now have to just fold our arms and wait for the interesting outcome.

I still believe Europe would not be able to solve its problems, because some guys there may not believe Soros' analyses.  Even if they do, they may still be selfish enough not to help bail out their neighbours.  Our chances of doubling or tripling our money are still there, unless those guys really sit up and do exactly what Uncle Soros prescribed.

What's in a name?

Today I am going to talk about English names used by Chinese people.

To a man, his name is the sweetest sound on earth. It was chosen and given by his beloved parents. There is a Chinese saying - You don't need to worry even if you are born ugly, but you should be afraid of having a bad name. Now, what does a bad name mean? It means many things, amongst others, something that is difficult to pronounce, or something that is not auspicious, or something that rhymes with bad luck or vulgar words. Brad Pitt recently commented that his name rhymes with shit.


So, make sure that your name is not only the sweetest sound on earth to you, but also to anyone who hears it.  A random survey conducted in the US showed that people believe that a girl with a name like Grace or Geraldine would definitely look more beautiful that a girl with the name Gertrude, of course, without meeting up with any of those girls beforehand.

You can't have both

You can't imagine the amount of thought your parents put into just thinking of the best name for you. There are usually two considerations. They would like to choose a catchy name for you, at the same time the name must be very meaningful. It must stand for something important, such as your character, your destiny or some noble or righteous virtue. That is really quite a handful. At times it is quite impossible to have a meaningful name that sounds catchy at the same time. You can't have both. Parents trying to accomplish both fall into the classic trap of doing too much with too little. After all, it is just two words (for a Chinese name; the surname is fixed). They either end up having a splitting headache or compromising with a name that is meaningless and sounds awful. It results in the classic example found in Stephen Chow's movie, Kungfu, where the hero (none other than Stephen Chow himself) was saying, "Do you want me to whack him or do you want me to whack his mother? Please say it clearly; you're getting me very confused!"

Usually, and eventually, parents are forced to give up either one criteria. Many parents go for a meaningful name, thus sacrificing the catchy part. That is why at times, Chinese names can be quite a mouthful. Like Polish names, you may need two tongues and three sets of teeth.  Try this, Hneoh Pneah... famous, 150-year old biscuit in Penang.

Rhyme time is the prime time

I personally would sacrifice the "meaningful" part and go for something that is not so challenging for my child's friends to pronounce when he grows up. After all, it's just a name, something whereby another person can address you. The Chinese say, it's just something to call you by - 都是一句吧了. But I have so far not found anyone who agrees with me. To almost everyone, a name must stand for something; it must be meaningful. I beg to differ, although I have nothing against a name that is meaningful. I just can't accept a guy having a name that is challenging to pronounce, thus giving everyone a hard time just trying to call out to him.

My first criteria, therefore, is that a name must be pronounceable so that anyone can have no problem hollering out to him.

If the "meaningful" part can be incorporated after getting it pronounceable, great. It not, so be it.

The other consideration that parents should be careful of is that the name should not be easily converted into a bad word, especially in Chinese or Cantonese. Back in my school days, almost all my classmates have nicknames, thanks to a few very creative schoolmates. Of course, some of these nicknames are not so flattering. Some are outright vulgar and insulting. And, given the amount of imagination that young kids have, parents should take some care to avoid having their kids' names turned into something embarrassing. Can you imagine a harmless-sounding and meaningful name like Chee Wai (wisdom in Cantonese) being converted into Chee Bai (cunt) by our little geniuses in school?

OK, coming back to English names. Why do Chinese people have English names? Simply because English names are easier to remember and usually (but not always) easier to pronounce.

Now, what is the problem with English names? Again, it is the classic example of not knowing who to whack, the guy or the guy's mother. What do I mean by that? You see, as a Chinese, if you want to adopt an English name, by all means adopt an English name. There is nothing wrong with that. The problem with some people is that they want an English name but at the same time they want to preserve their Chinese identity. At other times, they would like to be unique by not having their name spelled the same way as another human being on this planet. Pardon me but I think that is stupidity of a higher degree, simply because you are making it very challenging for your friends/customers/anyone else on Planet Earth. Just spell your name the way that an English person normal spells it. What the heck - life is already difficult as it is; you don't need to make it more difficult for your friends.

To be fair, not only the Chinese do that. Even English people love to be unique. Just that I noticed the Chinese do that very often.


It hurts me to see my friends having names that are difficult.  I always feel they are shooting themselves in the foot, even though I think they are blissfully unaware and seriously think their name is wonderful.  I would actually suggest my friends with names below (real people, these are my friends) change their names.  Of course, most people would be horrified at that thought, but why not?  I changed mine.  You see, Andrew Chia is not my real name.  It's only my pen name which I conveniently adopted to be my real name.  My real name is not only difficult to pronounce but it sounds like a bad word.  I even changed my son's surname so that it doesn't sound so bad like mine.  Most people are shocked that I go to that extent (my son and I don't share the same English surname!), but I'm a Chinese, so the English spelling for my name is not really that important to me.  After all, in life there are two things that are important and the way to spell your name is not one of them.  The two things are, staying alive and staying healthy.  Everything else a bonus.


I still remember having this little conversation with my beloved mother when I was just a kid.  "Mom, I'll be ten years old next month.  I'm so happy."  "Don't be silly, Son, you're already eleven years old this month accordingly to our Lunar calendar."  "But I go to school and learned that I was born in xxxx year and according to the calendar used by everyone, I'm nine years old right now."  "OK, boy, always remember this; you are Chinese and we Chinese follow the Lunar calendar.  Ask yourself, are you Chinese or are you guailoh (Westerner)."


OK, here goes... (sorry again to my dear friends)

You : What is your name?

New Friend : Alycia Yap

You : Let me save your name on my handphone. That is A-L-I-C-I-A, is that right?

New Friend : No! It is A-L-Y-C-I-A

You : I'm sorry. (Quietly... What the fuck!)

You : What is your name?

New Friend : Sky Wong

You : OK, sky as in that something blue over our heads?

New Friend : Yes

You : (Quietly... OK, sun, moon, Sky, planet, fish pond... Fuck!)

You : What is your name?

New Friend : Angylia Yong

You : Angela?

New Friend : No! Angylia.

You : How do you spell that?

New Friend : A-N-G-Y-L-I-A

You : TLMKCH! (Cantonese bad word)

You : What is your name?

New Friend : Aeric Fong

You : Give me a minute; let me save that on my handphone. E-R-I-C    F-O-N-G.

New Friend : No! It's A-E-R-I-C

You : KNNCCB! (Hokkien bad word)

You : What's your name?

New Friend : Eling Choong

You : Ok, Elaine, I'll call you tomorrow.

New Friend : No, not Elaine. It's Eling.

You : What kind of English name is that?

New Friend : Sorry, it's not an English name. It's my Chinese name.

You : Tiew.......... (I mean I want to tiew your mother for giving you a Chinese name that sounds like English.)

SMS : Hi, my name is Heaven Chia and I'm from CIMB property loans division. Pls call me if you need the best housing loan rates and highest valuation for your property.

You : Great! Heaven, sun, moon, sky, hell, WTF.

(You reply the message: "Hi Heaven, can you tell me whether I should address you as Mr or Ms?" I'm cunt-fused.)

New Friend : My name is Janicce Tan. Please text me if you need any assistance, ok?

(The next day...)

You : Hi Janice, can I buy some cream from you?

New Friend : Sorry, Jack, my cream is sold out. BTW, my name is Janicce, not Janice.

You : OK, you go and shiok sendiri la.........

New Friend : Hi, my English name is Marice Wee

You : How do you spell that?

New Friend : M-A-R-I-C-E

You : Wow! You've got a nice Phillippine name...

You : What is your name?

New Friend : Nakrooz Fou

You : OK, how do you spell that?

New Friend : That's N-A-K-R-O-O-Z

You : (Speechless...) I have a friend, her name is Wangari Maathai I'll introduce her to you. (world renowned environmentalist who just died.)  

You : Hi Lenglui, what is your name?

New Friend : Renesial Leong

You : (Quietly... Siao chabo... I'm sure the Malays will ask why sial...)
(Renesial is Andrew Chia's most respected property investment guru.)

You : Lenglui, what's your name

New Friend : Theresa Ng

You : Let me write that down, That's T-E-R-E-S-A, right?

New Friend : No! It's T-H-E-R-E-S-A

You : Mother Teresa, help me!

You : What's your name?

New Friend : Whygers Lim

You : OK, you don't need to explain...

You : Hi, what's your name?

New Friend : Xueer Gan

You : You must be Whyger's friend. Excuse me, I'm going back to my planet...

You : Lenglui, what's your name?

New Friend : Ynshxien Goh

You : Come again? Ok, never mind. I know your two friends...
New Friend:  Oh, you don't know nothing.  I have more friends... Allem Kiong, Apel Woo, Collaborate John, Frankleen Ong, Ginp Luu, Jenice Lee, Jonick, Kylee Wang, just to name a few... I'll introduce them to you one by one when you are free.
You:  Thank you, I'm busy producing my new film Jurassic Park, The Beginning.

Jet Li is Fahai in his latest movie. Shall I say more?  And yes, my friend's shop selling baju on the 3rd floor of Times Square is Lacroix.  Yes, WTF, you would say; we are already struggling with English and here comes the French...


Talking about French, guys, the place behind Sunway Pyramid, South Quay, is pronounced South Key and not South Kuih, ok?  Niamahkahai, you would say, fucking developer trying to play high class, giving problems to people who don't go to school like me.  Tiu..........